Where do you end and others begin?  

Who forced you to carry their burdens?  

Can love finally feel shared?

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People pleasing is an entrapping cycle of putting others first, the favour never being returned, but you quietly rushing back in hopes they'll change. It's an exhausting state of adapting to other's feelings while sacrificing your own.

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You may struggle with:

• Feeling guilty saying “no” to people.

• Feeling responsible for other people’s feelings.

• Finding it hard to set boundaries in relationships.

• Worrying constantly about upsetting people.

• Taking on other people’s emotions.

• Avoiding conflict and putting others first.

• Feeling emotionally drained by relationships.

• Losing yourself in relationships.

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I offer psychodynamic counselling in Leicester and online which is a deep and effective way to understand and free yourself from these personal difficulties

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Where does this come from?

Our early relationships with primary caregivers shape how we see ourselves and others later in life. Many people pleasers grow up at the mercy of their parents’ feelings, and have to stay highly tuned in to survive an unpredictable, overwhelming, or even hostile environment.

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Your parent might have struggled with aggression and taken out their anger on the family. You may have had a parent who was depressed or emotionally cold. To feel physically and psychologically safe, you had to be the peacemaker or the comforter. A ‘helpful’ or compliant version of yourself developed as a way to stay emotionally safe and connected. Meanwhile, the frustration of unmet needs grows, which gets slapped down with harsh self-criticism and guilt.

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Even if there was no obvious neglect or abuse, emotionally immature adults can have a nasty impact on a child’s development. From early on, you may have had to parent your parents in the hope that they would finally become who you needed them to be. These patterns are internalised, becoming part of the self, and the desire is repeated in other relationships.

 

But they never change...

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These patterns made sense at the time, but like putting on a child’s coat, it no longer fits and can feel stifling today.

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How therapy can help

Therapy offers a space to slow things down and look at this more closely.

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Rather than trying to push these patterns away, we begin to understand them; where they come from, how they show up, and what keeps them going. If you’re new to counselling, you might find it helpful to read more about starting therapy and what to expect.

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Over time, this can help you:

• Feel less responsible for other people’s feelings

• Stop automatically putting others first

• Feel more able to say no and set boundaries

• Worry less about upsetting or disappointing people

• Let go of taking on other people’s emotions

• Feel less pulled into fixing or managing others’ problems

• Feel more steady when someone is upset or angry

• Feel more grounded in your own needs and feelings

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If you’re considering working together, you can also read more about how sessions work on the first session page, or explore options for online therapy if that feels more accessible.

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About me

I am a psychodynamic counsellor based in Leicester, offering sessions in person and online.

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I trained and worked at the Leicester Psychodynamic Counselling Centre, supporting clients and assisting in the training of students. I am an accredited member of the BACP (MBACP Accred) and work in line with its ethical framework.

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Book a free consultation

I offer a free initial consultation so we can see if working together feels right.

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You can book a time through the contact page.

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