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The guilt you feel after standing up for yourself might be a false guilt; not a real response to wrongdoing but the echo of an internal conflict. Deeper down, an inner critic formed in childhood punishes you for having relational needs. The very act of asserting yourself against another, even if it's justified, recreates a threat of loss that triggers an intense but false guilt reaction. Part of you might feel relief or even triumph after standing up for yourself, while anoth

There is one classic psychodynamic reason why you would feel guilty, ashamed or criticise yourself when you are angry or feel hurt by someone else: a part of you turns anger against yourself. But this isn’t the full story. Why turn anger onto yourself? In fact, why do we attack ourselves at all? If you pay attention to the messages you attack yourself with, you might notice that they are clues to how you actually feel about the person who hurt you. Messages such as “Did I do

Whenever your unmet needs arise, suddenly a giant cosmic league table crashes from the heavens. The names of all that dwell upon the earth are listed and ranked by their suffering. Those who are suffering the most are at the top of the list and each descending name suffers less and less. The rate of suffering is measured by an objective metric called the ‘Hurt Most Index’ (HMI). Help, understanding and curiosity are in limited supply and are first come, first served. Those wh